In honor of Valentine's Day my first blog will be covering the topic of Intimacy. Taboo as it may come off, a lot of people wish it was somewhere they could get advice, guidance, or even vent about their sexual conquest. I've read over your emails and direct messages and here's my raw two cents.
What makes me a creditable speaker for this conversation? I’m a burn survivor and I’m extremely intimate with my partner! Not sold? Keep reading…
As humans, we deal with that pesky feeling called – insecurities. We think to ourselves:
- I’m too fat
- I’m unattractive
- My scars are ugly
- When I get naked he/she is going to be so turned off
- I’m not as experienced as he/she as people my age
- These stretch marks are hideous
- I’ve seen the people he/she used to talk to my body doesn’t stand a chance
I’ve shared a lot of these thoughts and I often brought them in the bedroom with me. I would want to have sex with all the lights off or a t-shirt on. When I got burned I would cringe at the idea of having sex all together. “His dick is not going to stay hard if he sees my burns!” I was so focused on how much judgement I thought he was doing while we were in the infamous doggy position, that I was underperforming! In the slyest ways I would try to get the lights off before we crawled into bed or even making sure I had a pajama top on the entire time. I was my own worst enemy!
Your confidence sets the tone for the play area! Nothing is more attractive then self-love and confidence. I’ve even been told that it is actually a turn on *wink wink.* The way you feel about yourself opens the pathway for how others will receive you. Let’s be real if you feel sexy there is absolutely nothing anyone can tell you to knock you off your high horse. Being intimate requires that perfect mixture of confidence, self-love, and sexiness. As big as that seems it is only the top layer. Intimacy calls for a more personal touch. A skin-deep connection that leaves no room for insecurities in the bedroom. No one should have a bad thought in that space if they are with someone they feel absolutely safe and cared for by. To be intimate is to be – private, personal, closely acquainted. *cue the slow jams and the romantic setting* Intimate sex is for lovers who are friends! It’s a level of respect and familiarity required in the bedroom that welcomes the intimacy and eliminates the insecurities. Let’s be real, if you were sleeping with someone who wanted to have sex with you, even after knowing your deepest darkest secrets, do you honestly believe your physical appearance is what they would be turned off by?
Dim the lights, wear the lingerie, and have at it! I’m sure they are patiently waiting for you to come out of your shell and show them your best impromptu sex moves.